Ten months old already?

Greetings future minions,

Again, I feel I must apologise for my tardiness with this new missive, but dad has been hogging the computer again, claiming he has a "ton of work to do". Whatever.

At least I can now bring you up to speed with my world domina... um, humanitarian efforts.

Firstly, I had to remind the one who calls himself 'father', who is actually in charge here. I fooled him into thinking giving me a shoulder ride would be a fun idea - and then I unleashed hell on his balding pate. "Take that - ha ha! Now go and wash it off, then come back and say 'May I have another?'"
You have to keep them in their place.


He's not just a handy target for my whims though - sometimes we share a quality moment together, like this moment when we watched Sesame Street while sharing a teething biscuit.


These things don't really work for me, and judging by my dad's teeth perhaps should quit while I'm ahead. What can I do? I have too much British in me...


I'm looking forward to Halloween this year. You may recall that last year I was forced to wear a humiliating skeleton costume (not my choice) - however, I have been working Granny hard, coercing her to make me a new costume - will I reveal it now? Oh no - ha ha! However, I will show off a nifty set of pajamas that she whipped up the other day. She would make a pair for dad, but we can't afford that much fabric.


While we're on the subject of that ridiculous space fantasy that my parents are pushing on me, I have to admit that it does have its uses. Through osmosis, as I am carried through their vast collection of toys and posters, I believe I have finally tapped into my true nature. It all started when I decided I didn't want to sit in my Bumbo any more at meal times.


It was then that I felt the lure of the darkside. My world became one of lurking in shadows and gurgling menacingly.


Until I finally learned to harness the power of force lightning - and I became Darth Nipper.


But I have said too much already. Back to normal baby stuff.
Here I am in my command center, feigning happiness when all I want to do is get out and crawl around.


We went to my friend Oliver's house the other day for food and games. Oliver's mum showed me this really cool toy - I loved it! For some reason though, a similar device has yet to materialize in my own home.


While there, Uncle Paul taught me the delights of picking suspicious fruits with no regard for personal safety.


But he's still my uncle and I still love him.


Just recently my alleged parents have noticed that my television viewing habits have started to affect me - they can't figure out if this is a result of watching too much Elmo, Clifford, Thomas the Tank Engine or The Exorcist.


While we're on the subject of horror films (we were?), one of dad's leading ladies, Christel, came by the other day. She's jolly nice, and has smashing shoes. However, I had to question the wisdom in allowing her to hold me when I read the press release from the film she stars in - "a voluptuous femme fatale who exacts gruesome revenge on lecherous would-be suitors".


Just yesterday I was invited to my other buddy, Nate's birthday party. he had a thing there called a 'bouncy house'. At first glance it looked rather daunting.


And when I got inside, I realized I was entirely correct.


Well, I have to get going, as mum and dad need this computer again, so I'll leave you with this final image which demonstrates how I am big enough to feed myself now.



Cheerio!

HJB Out.

Happy Mother's Day!

Hello blind followers of the cult of Harrison,

Today's blog is dedicated to a very special person on a very special day.

ME!

Just kidding. Even though I just turned 9 months old yesterday, I feel it would be remiss of me not to acknowledge my alleged mother who is one of many magnificent matriarchs to be honored on this special day created exclusively by Hallmark.

I love you mum!



Well, now that I've got that out of the way, back to me.

It's been a very interesting month actually, dad had a birthday and mum bought him some balloons. I ask you - are these people really mature enough to raise a child?



On the plus side, I did manage to weasel a decent morsel of dad's icecream cake out of him - and I have decided that this is what I shall be wasting my pocket-money on in the future.



I am a big fan of frozen treats - especially in this terrible time of teething. Mum has a little mesh sucky thing into which she puts ice cubes and frozen baby juice (don't ask me where she gets frozen baby juice from), and which I enjoy sucking on immensely. Sometimes we all get a frozen sucky thing to enjoy and we eat them together.



This month has truly been a period of discovery.
I have discovered how to crawl...



How to grow teeth...



How to sit up and play by myself...



How to show my displeasure when forced to eat cold carrots...



How to stand up and watch my favorite shows...



and how to react when a Girls Gone Wild advert appears on screen...



Normally, dad and I enjoy a sedate period every morning watching my favorite characters, Clifford and Elmo. Here you can see how the camera perfectly captures my father's feigned interest in these shows.



Speaking of dads - I met the final piece in the grandparent puzzle the other day when Grandpa Baker popped in for a visit - here is a stunning family portrait of the Fabulous Baker Boys!



I'd like to wish you all a happy May, and leave you with some more random images.

When I sleep on dad, I wake up with bizarre face-markings. However, I kind of like these, I think they suit a future evil genius.



Mother has proven to be quite frugal in these times of economic strife. Now, instead of separately washing my clothes and then giving me a bath, she just chucks the whole lot in the laundry. Don't worry, I have alerted social services.



Here's me standing up again. I like this upright position - it moves me that much closer to all the fun electrical equipment that taunts me with its flashing lights and beeping noises.



Finally, here's another cute picture for you to print out and stick on your fridge. I'm sorry for all of these stunning photos of me that must be cluttering up your walls, but can I help it if I inherited my dad's good looks?



Until next time,

HJB out.

Greetings Harry Fans,

So sorry for the long delay between blogs - you can blame my dad. He has been hogging the computer lately doing all sorts of crazy stuff, but he has finally given me a chance to do a bit of catching up on this, my 8 month birthday.
Eight months! Crikey, where does the time go?

To make up for the lack of blogging, I have decided to treat you to a feast of me - what more could you want? Normal service will resume soon!

Here I am at my first Easter egg hunt. Not sure I get the idea behind this one - it seems some bloke was nailed to a bit of wood and everyone celebrates by eating chocolate eggs from a rabbit. What kind of mixed up world have I entered?


Mum and Dad got me a big boy bed. I don't get how this works either. They put me in the middle of it, I go to sleep, and then I wake up like this. What's going on?


Uncle Parm bought me some cool threads - for some reason I move a lot faster when I wear this. It impresses the honeys too.


I am just beginning to figure out this 'crawling' lark. It appears I just flip over and wave my arms and legs in a general direction, and I tend to inch my way over there. Good fun, but my alleged parents keep moving stuff off the floor and higher up...


You know? Sometimes clothes are unnecessary. Like when I'm hanging out in my command center, making important calls to the gang. Nothing better than doing it in the buff without their knowing. Keeps me amused.


Mom is still very comfy.


So is dad.


I believe I have figured out a way to make crawling a bit easier on the knees. All I need is a couple more of these things tied around my waist and voila! Combine this with my Ferrari gear and you'll never catch me, mwahahaha!


Here I am eating a teething biscuit. Teething sucks. I constantly have red cheeks and cry at irregular intervals. It's not all bad though - I've got two teeth already! I'll let the parental units take a photo of them for the next blog.


Do I need to say anything about this photo?


I've been doing some research, and it turns out I was Mother Theresa in a former life. Bit bummed actually, I was hoping for Ghengis Khan.


Sometimes you just gotta stop and smell the roses...


Dad makes me toys every now and then - and I destroy them. For the full details behind this one, go to www.oilbathbubbles.blogspot.com


There are some doubters out there that don't believe I write these blogs myself - well, here is the evidence of me with my laptop - now be quiet.


Mum and dad's friend, Vivianne, came to stay a while back. She is nice, especially when she gives me an ice cube to suck when my teeth hurt.


He may not be perfect, but he's my dad - get your own.


Just me, hanging out. How's things?


Sometimes a kid can be too cool.


Well, that's it - it's been fun! See you next time!


HJB out.

Half a Year!

Blimey, how time flies!

It only seems like six months ago that I was yanked kicking and screaming out of 'bellyomom' - and since then I have grown steadily heavier and longer. My stats now come in at 18lb 12oz and 2 ft 4 in - I haven't figured out my collar size yet, but judging by the bibs that no longer fit me, it must be fairly humungous.

Life has been fun these past weeks - I've learned to do a lot more stuff and I'm checking out everything in my domain. I'm really happy that my parental units bought me this science laboratory as it has been instrumental in my understanding in how things work and how they can be controlled to suit my whims.



From this laboratory I am able to study the flora and fauna of my land. I now understand how a mock turtle feels...



... and what a frog looks like really close up.



I have even found a fellow explorer who appears to be trapped in some kind of pool -



He looks strangly familiar...



Not all the animals in my kingdom seem to respect me though. There is one fellow in particular who seems to chortle at me at every opportunity he gets. However, I have a roasting pan and an orange with his name on it (Dr. Quackles McDuckdown), so he will soon learn some respect.



I have also been tasting everything I can find in an attempt to find a substitute for milk (which, quite honestly, is losing its novelty value). My jungle gym has some interesting flavors - on this pole the strawberries taste like strawberry, the shnozzberries taste like shnozzberry!



It's not all work, work, work though. I still find time for some fun. I like to play a game called 'pants down, spit up'. This is how it works. First, I drop my pants...



... then, when everyone is distracted by my gorgeous legs, I spit up on Uncle Paul's head.



I never get tired of that one!

Granny Gill has extended her plane ticket so that she can stay here a bit longer. She seems to think that my alleged parents couldn't cope without her - and I'm inclined to agree. Here she is telling me a highly inappropriate joke.



Let's see if I can remember it. Um, there were these three nuns who had died in a car crash and they are waiting outside the pearly gates when St. Peter comes along and... wait a minute - this is a family site right? I'd better stop there.

So what else is new?
Well, I'm going through a miserable period known in select circles as 'teething'. Kinda sucks if you ask me - however, dad is normally on hand with a piece of frozen apple for me to chew on which is both practical and delicious - so it's not all bad.



I also have a new car seat thanks to mom and dad's freinds, Amy and Mike. I'm not sure that this is the correct placement for it though.



I recently hosted a birthday brunch in my honor, and was happy to be able to recruit some new serfs, um, companions who will come in useful during my conquest of the known world.



I'll leave you with a final picture of me (of course), in one of my new favorite shirts (thanks, jk!). Look at me! I'm six months old! I'm cute! Come visit!!!!




Until next time,

HJB out.

Hello 2009!

Hello loyal followers of the almighty Harrison,

It's my five month birthday today, and I thought I might celebrate by posting a blog all about my wizard xmas (now that dad is finally off the computer).

Firstly though, here is what I look like at five months - I now weigh 17lbs, 5oz!

I have cropped this photo to spare the single women out there some blushes.

I had a splendid xmas BTW. It was my first such event, and I liked it so much that I have requested to do it again at the end of this year - who knows? We might make this an annual occasion. As you can see, I got into the spirit of things straight away.

An even more pleasant surprise was the descent upon my home by hordes of people claiming to be related to me. They brought gifts- so I spared their lives.

Here is someone called 'Lucy', who claims to be my cousin.

And here is another one called 'Sean', who also claims to be my cousin. They can't both be the same relative, so one of them is an imposter.

I also got to meet Nanny Annie, Uncle Neil and Auntie Julie and a couple I had met before, Grandma and Grandpa Gill. Much hilarity was had by all. I was especially happy to see that they had all brought me presents, and I ripped into them with great gusto.

You will notice that I am sitting on my new throne. I strongly believe that every potential super villain should have an imposing chair - and this is mine.

Not only that, but my guillable parents thought they were buying me an exer-saucer, not a highly advanced command center from which I can command my forces. Now I just need to find forces who are happy marching to the tune of 'itsy bitsy spider'.

As a New Year's treat, my extended family took me for a jaunt around something called 'Monterey Bay Aquarium'. It was loud, colorful and smelled vaguely of fish, but I got some great ideas for my lair while I was there. How about this? A trapdoor on an artificial bridge that dumps my unsuspecting minions into a pool of slightly miffed anenomes! Mwahahahahaha!

My insidiousness knows no bounds.

I have some great news to share with you by the way. One of dad's friends, a mysterious fellow who is known simply by the name 'Stooge' is now the proud father of twins! Congratulations to the entire clan - I look forward to recruiting them into my league of diabolical...ness.

I'll leave you with a random collection of me. Happy New Year!

More to come,

until then, HJB out.

16 weeks, 16 lbs.

Greetings serfs,

Sorry it's been a while since my last missive, but dad has been hogging the computer lately trying to get his work finished for film school. It was his last day today, and now he is drifting around looking like a lost child. I'll make it my duty to keep him busy.

Well, as you can see, I've hit the big 4, and hit a little over 16lbs on the scales. Everything is going nicely and I am looking forward to xmas, whatever that is.

Check out this great spit up I got mum with the other day. Timed to perfection, stringy, and smelling faintly of ovaltine gone bad. Man, I'm getting good at this...

Every day seems to be a new adventure. I have discovered these things on the ends of my arms which are awesome for waving around and grabbing onto moose for a serious bit of gnawing - yeah, I'm teething too...


I have discovered that if I use these wonderful appendages, I can hang onto monkey's tail and roll over - ha ha! Mobility! Nothing can stop me now!!


I've also been practising singing with dad - all together now - "Deck your balls with bales of holly, tra la la la la, la la, la, la!" I think that's how it goes...


I am also learning how to write - this is a message I recently sent my Auntie in England. She bought me the cool threads by the way!


In other news, I went to my first restaurant last week. It was a Peruvian one in San Jose and I went with mum and dad who were going to say 'happy birthday' and 'cheerio' to dad's friend, Ana, who is heading back to Colombia soon.
Ana is nice. She has warm hands.


I'll leave you with a couple of new shots mum took of me to celebrate my 4 month birthday. She let me have some belly time in just my diaper - on a white blanket no less - she must have been feeling brave!

Well, the house is going to be full of grannies and aunties and uncles and cousins next week - so I'm sure I'll have a whole bunch of new photos to show you soon!

Until then,

HJB out.